I should probably rename my blog seeing how I never write about my kids, only about myself. Let's see...Sponge-Kimmy Crazy Pants.... Sponge-Kim Silly Pants....I've got it!..... Sponge-Chubby Size 16 Pants. Okay that last one made me laugh out loud. I am hilarious!
Speaking of being a size 16 *cough* since birth, when I was 20 I went on a tour with my college choir. We were supposed to go to New Zealand, but this was the year of the 9/11 attacks and the church rerouted all international tour groups. We got rerouted to.....wait for it....Texas. Yep, freakin' Texas for three freakin' weeks. Excuse the language, I'm not bitter, really. So we're all trying to make the best of the situation and have good attitudes about not leaving the country, but it proved to be more difficult than first expected.
This tour was...interesting. We had some conflicting opinions within the group and that made some things .....difficult. There was a big tour meeting with lots and lots of crying over....well, basically over which color of belt we were supposed to wear.
This was the same tour that during a daytime performance at a school I didn't get the memo about starting the show with a different song than our usual opener. The song we were starting with was a men's only entrance. So Brother Brower (our beloved director) gives the opening cue and I start loudly singing, "Hark I Hear the Harps Eternal" and the men started singing "Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho." Oops! I then start laughing which earned the death look from Brother Brower.
I wish I could say that was the only time I received the death look, but alas, it was not to be. During another performance of this cool little Spanish song called "Caballo Viejo" I was kind of groovin' along (nerd I know. I'm THAT girl, the weird one in the choir who moves when they sing. You know what I'm talking about, the one who REALLY feels the music. Ow, it hurts to admit that). Anyway, I'm dancing along, in the front row no less, and my nose was really itching so I just reached up and gave it a little scratch, like it was part of my dance. Brother Brower gave me a look that said, "Holy Crap, did you really just do that in a performance?!? Do you WANT to die?" Oops again.
So things hadn't been going too well. About halfway through the tour we finally got a day off. We got to stay in a hotel and see Les Miserable in Dallas. The hotel was DISGUSTING and the cast of Les Mis was TERRIBLE, but it was still fun. We were all pumped about going swimming when we arrived. I was prepared at one of our other stops I had purchased a wrap that matched my cute red swimsuit. As alluded to in previous posts, I'm a just a tiny bit self conscience about my thighs, so this wrap was key.
I got all ready and headed down to the pool with my girls. I got there and had a brief discussion with myself about whether or not to take the wrap off. It's a light material so I decided against taking it off although I'm sure it is not meant to be worn in water. This lets you know how nervous I'm feeling being in a swimsuit.
We started messing around and playing in the water and I soon forgot about being self conscience, and just started having a good time. We started this game that is so stupid it pains me to share this part of the story. We were going underwater and then as we came out of the water we flipped our hair back like the Little Mermaid. Go ahead, mock, laugh, yes we were in college at the time. Meanwhile, Brother Brower had wondered down to the pool to see what everyone was up to. I called to him, "Brother Brower, who am I?" and then proceeded to play the Little Mermaid game. In retrospect I probably deserved the answer, seeing how I was a 20 year old pretending to be the Little Mermaid.
Regardless, the conversation proceeded as such:
ME: "Brother Brower, who am I?"
BB: "I don't know......Shamu?"
ME: "Shamu?!?!? Shamu?!!?!? I AM IN A SWIMSUIT AND YOU ARE CALLING ME SHAMU?!?!!?!?"
Seeing his obvious folly, Brother Brower immediately started back tracking.
BB: "Kim, Shamu is sleek."
ME (yelling): "Shamu weighs 2,000 pounds!!"
BB: "Shamu is a powerful and stealthy predator. "
ME (still yelling): "Both great if you are a killer whale, not great if you are a 20 year old girl."
The conversation went on like this for a while. I got out of the pool soon after. For the record, my swimsuit was red, not black and white.
The next day on the bus, I took over the microphone during morning announcements and told the whole sad story, so everyone would know. Later that day we arrived in San Antonio. We went to the Riverwalk and the Alamo, and it was amazing....until.....we saw what was playing at the IMAX Theater in town. Yep, you guessed it. SeaWorld: featuring SHAMU. Great! Shamu is so big that he won't even fit on a regular movie screen it has to be at an IMAX!
It was a blow. I actually went on a diet that summer when I got home and lost 30 pounds so it wasn't all for naught, I suppose.
I have told this story as many times as humanly possible so that no one with ever forget that Brother Brower called me Shamu. I told it on the bus the next year when we were on tour....and the year after that. Brother Brower yelled from the back of the bus, "Will you please just let it go?"
NEVER. So Brother Brower....this one is for you! :)
26 comments:
What a horrible story! :) That is something that will stick with a young woman. I'm sure he wishes he had a time machine!
For the record, I hate wearing swimsuits too, but have also played the mermaid game in the pool!
Hey! This is Alissa (played for Karalee's CBC thing) I hope it's okay that I found your blog when you commented on Amy's. You are hilarious! I haven't read all your posts yet, but the ones I have are all so funny! Your kids are super cute in your header picture. How old is your daughter there? She's such a cutie (reminds me of my little cutie). I look forward to reading more posts of yours! Oh, and what girl HASN'T done the little mermaid flipping their hair back thing!?
LOL... that is so sad and funny all at the same time!! It's like Jeremy accidentally telling 2 of my aunts on 2 different occasions "when I'm old, like 40", um, the week they were turning 40. Poor Brother Brower. He never will live that down. (as well he shouldn't! You never guess Shamu when you are talking to a girl in a swimsuit!)
No matter how many times I hear that story, I was laughing so hard I was crying. I love that story. That was the summer I came home - right. Oh, man - that is an awesome story.
That's the first I've ever heard this story. It sounds like Brother Brower is a male. We maybe don't think about those things before they actually come out of our mouths.
And it sounds like a female that you have a hard time letting it go.
It's still a funny story. Well written too. I could actually picture everything as the story unfolded. Well done.
once again, you don't disappoint. you are hysterical. although i'm a tad bit uncomfortable laughing at your expense. but laugh i did. i even cried a bit. you are too funny!
Did you and your sisters ever pretend synchronize swim in hotel pools? That was a staple in my young life. We undoubtedly looked ridiculous.
That. Was. AWESOME.
Oh, and your salty language offends me.
The bad language is always just for you Abby. And I appreciate the support regarding the mermaid game, but I venture to say that none of you were in your twenties when you played it.
Don't jump to that conclusion Kim! I still play games like that with my sisters! :) Public pool or not...
awesome kim. awesome. just knowing brother brower personally makes it that much funnier.
Oh you! You do know what I like!
Kim! I love that story so much!
Even I have heard that story and I've only met you twice, I think! It is a good/sad one! Hope all is well with you and your family!
Too funny, Kim! Yes, I've heard the story before, but it still makes me laugh! I think I like the ketchup story best, though. I keep meaning to have Brad read it, cause it literally makes me laugh out loud every time. Sure do miss ya!
Okay Jenny, I'm a little embarrassed that you've heard that story, but not as embarrassed as I was at your wedding when Brad introduced me and you didn't know who I was until he said, "You know the pantless one." That was a fine day in my life.
YES!!! This story never gets old!! It still makes me laugh so hard! Oh- I miss Bro Brower so much and i even miss that crazy choir tour! but mostly i miss you!! thanks for the endless laughs on your blog. I can't read your blog at work anymore cause I start crying i am laughing so hard!!
Yes, the tears are flowing!!! I was totally there and remember it all! Even the drama about the belts...yeesh. I still tell the stories too {not that specific one} and I'm not bitter either ;0} I love your stories. You are hilarious! Are you in the Tri-cities area still? My friend's friend is having a baby in, well, 9 months or so and I might make the trip with her for fun. If you are still there it would be fun to catch up!
we had way more fun in Texas than we would have in New Zealand... um, no, not really. I had kind of forgotten that we were supposed to go to NZ so thanks for reminding me. Oh well instead of the land of the hobbits we got the land of belt buckles (and reversible belts). Funny that I was just watching Lord of the Rings and now I will be sad that we didn't get to go there.
Thanks Kimmy! Just kidding, I will forgive you because your posts always make me laugh.
Ahhh, the memories! I found your blog on fb- hope you don't mind! I haven't gotten to read all of your stories, but I am convinced you need to write a book! You would be a best seller!
Kim-
I rememeber everything about that story. I think I was actually playing the game and trying to be Ariel with you as well. That was a fun trip and this story brings back so many memories, both good and bad. Too bad we all have to grow up and leave Collegiate Singers. I would give anything to be back singing with all of you guys. I'm glad you are doing well. Keep up the funny stories.
I remember you telling this story...good times. Ha ha. I also remember you telling us stories in Women's choir, but now that I think of it, where was Sister Ashby when you were doing that? Did she care we weren't singing?? Ha ha, I loved it, though. And I visited with Brother Brower a couple months ago when I visited Rexburg. I miss him and I miss Collegiate. And I miss you! And I live in Spokane so we should hang out!
Oh Kim, you make me laugh. We have to all hang out again someday... just not at a bar in Gillette for our reunion.
Oh Kim...that is so funny. I am sitting here by myself laughing right out loud!! Are you still in the Idaho Falls area?? I would love to have you come over so we can just visit for a whole day!!
Karla (Chelsea's mom)
Kim...I was laughing so hard I was crying while reading this...I was there and vividly remember everything you wrote. However, to help you feel better, this was also the trip that Dan thought I was pregnant and made it sound like he had just heard a rumor that I was upon asking me the stupid question. The next day, BB told the funny story about how Dan thought I looked preggo...I cried for days...not as funny as yours but it happened to me too.
Oh, I love it. Absolutely love it. Thanks for the good hearty laugh. :)
I of course, remember Shamu, and I totally remember that "Hark I Hear the Harps Eternal" moment. I was laughing so hard I was crying reading about that. Such good memories. Just for the record, do you remember when we were supposed to sing the 12 days of Christmas at Amahl and the night visitors except we had only rehearsed the choreography like half a time and so the whole thing fell apart and Brother Brower gave the death look and started directing harder and firmer except we were all like, "what do you want us to do? We've never sung this song!" And we all wanted to crawl into a hole... Oh, the memories.
You are a masterful storyteller, my friend. :)
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